 Hanover,
NH: A scientific poll recently conducted by the Tuck
Profit & Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center shows an alarming
correlation between 2nd year on-campus recruiting and unplanned
pregnancies.
Some 52% of T’06’s surveyed replied “yes” to the question “Are you
expecting a child between June and July, 2006?” The survey, conducted in
March, appears to confirm what most men have long suspected: that having
more money means getting more sex.
Interviews conducted this week by the Profit’s crack staff support this
shocking revelation. Said one 2nd Year (who spoke on the condition of
anonymity), “Yeah, my wife hadn’t even thought about sex since I dragged
her to Hanover with me. But after she saw the starting salary and
signing bonus, she wanted to get reacquainted.” Further interviews
uncovered similar stories all over campus; even the male partners felt
the ripple effects. Said one, “Yeah, my wife hadn’t even thought about
sex since she dragged me to Hanover. But after she came home with that
starting salary and signing bonus, she wanted to get reacquainted –
although now she insists on being on top.”
Corporate recruiting directors reached for comment after the results
were made public today expressed deep concern over lost work days and
productivity due to this carnal phenomenon. Tuck’s Career Development
Office plans to meet this concern with action. According to Becky Rice,
the CDO will begin distributing condoms prior to final round interviews
with certain firms.
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In a related story, the Quality of Life chair has pledged to provide
hand cream and tissues as consolation for those 2nd Year students
presently without a job. |
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