 Hanover,
NH: The recent decision by Dartmouth College to place a moratorium
on alcohol-related Tuck events at Dartmouth College facilities has
caused a 145% drop in yield at the Tuck School. Admitted students
are horrified by the prospect of losing this privilege. Staff in
Financial Aid are promising $80K salaries, in addition to scholarships and grants, to any students
that will take their calls, but they are unable to stem the tide.
According to one accepted student, “I love Tuck, but do
you really think I’m going to sign my life away when the
future of parties in Collis hangs in the balance? There
is just too much uncertainty."
Officials at Harvard Business School in Cambridge, MA
were ecstatic about the moratorium. The Profit
spoke with the Director of Admissions at HBS. "We
are cherry-picking stoodents [sic] from the Tuck School
this year...it has never ben [sic] easier to convince MBA
hopefuls that HBS offers a far ritcher [sic]
experience."
At Tuck, admissions officials expressed disappointment
at the prospect of declining yield numbers.
Director Dawna Clarke spoke with The Tuck Profit off the
record. "Even more disappointing than declining
yield is the loss of Collis as a place to party.
This is a paralyzing blow to the Tuck community.
We are all feeling a little shell-shocked.
Personally, I'm starting to send my resume around to
other programs, just to be safe."
Dean Danos said something unintelligible, and then
reminded prospective students that the Wall Street
Journal ranked Tuck #1. To this writer, his words
lacked the usual conviction. |
RSS Feed
