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Ken Tittle T'07 Clogs Hanover Sewage
System
Shuts Down Tuck Circle for Months |
 Hanover,
NH: Champion Eater Ken Tittle T'07 has been
identified by Hanover police as the source of a massive
sewage backup in the Upper Valley area. Authorities
traced the blockage back to a restroom in Tuck Hall.
DNA evidence left officials with little doubt that
Tittle was the cause of the backup. But authorities
are unable to charge the Georgia Tech graduate with any
crimes, and it is unlikely that the university will be
able to win a suit for damages.
Plumbing
experts were unable to clear the pipes using
conventional plumbing techniques, but they did manage to
set off a host of complaints from students, ranging from
brown water in Buchanan, duct taped urinals in Murdough
(see inset), and a half-eaten Wendy's cheeseburger in
Tony Hanlon's mailbox. Finally, construction crews were
brought in to excavate Tuck Circle and replace all
sewage pipes into and and out of the building.
 Why did it take so long for the truth to come out?
The Tuck Profit has learned that officials feared
becoming the laughingstock of the top MBA programs.
According
to reputation expert Paul Argenti, "Identifying a
student's bowel movement as the cause of a major capital
expenditure poses a major reputational risk to any
institution. But to Tuck, where the quality of our
cuisine is a major selling point, this could be
disastrous."
 Local attorney and Judicial Board member
Brian Walsh does not believe that Tittle should be
worried about a lawsuit. "No way. DNA evidence is
far from conclusive, and besides, it's not like the guy
stole a ladder. Perhaps he should be required to
miss a day of class?"
Construction crews should be finished with the project
in time for the class of 2006's 10 year reunion. |
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