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Ken Lay Hides Soul In Off-Balance-Sheet Entity
Satan Outraged; Hires Forensic Accounting Firm |
 Houston, Texas:
Tuck Profit investigative reporters tracked
the movements of former Enron Chairman Kenneth Lay's soul and discovered the "Planet Druidia" transaction.
With the help of a U.S. company called Soul Cryonics for
the C-Suite, Lay set up several third-party
special-purpose-entities for the sole purpose of
shielding his damned soul from Hell's evil clutches.
Satan cited the incompetence of his minions in the blunder,
and promised to find Lay's soul and banish it from God's
presence for all of eternity.
"We anticipated that Lay would use aggressive maneuvers
but these transactions overstep the barriers of cosmic
law. My minions simply became too greedy over the
course of the last decade, during which time we saw an
astonishing increase in depravity and godlessness.
Everyone relaxed their standards; it was just so easy to
harvest souls.
"We've put in place many measures to ensure compliance
with my edicts. Sure, my minions gripe about the
increased paperwork, but the resulting transparency is
critical if we hope to maintain a robust supply of
damned souls. And with that blessed Bush in
office, throwing money at infidels with his faith-based
initiatives and invading perfectly sinful countries like
Iraq...well, we just need to work that much harder to
keep up." |
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