Hanover, NH: Fed up with the inflated status and
unwarranted attention lavished on quant jocks at the
Tuck School, real jock Chris Eitzmann T'07
recently knocked out quant jock Ranjot Singh T'07, with
a single punch to the face. The fight took place
in Byrne dining hall following a heated debate about
mathematical approaches to solving long queues.
Tuck Profit reporters interviewed several students who
were at the scene. Apparently, the victim, quant
jock Ranjot Singh, was publicly offering advice to Byrne
dining staff about various techniques to reduce the
average service time in PepsiCo dining hall.
According to fellow quant jock David Browne T'07,
"Ranjot was simply estimating the average queue by
taking a second-order derivative of a relatively
elementary equation...He wasn't showing off or trying to
use his knowledge of calculus to bully the staff...I
thought his suggestions were completely appropriate."
Apparently real jock Chris Eitzmann did not.
By his own account, Eitzmann was fed up with the
"intellectual bullying" that regularly occurs at Tuck.
"Look, I went to Harvard, I'm not stupid. It's
just that I'm getting sick and tired of the outsized
egos on these so-called quant jocks. They can't
just walk around campus, butting their nose into every
little math problem, assuming they know all the answers.
Every now and then we need to stand up for ourselves.
"Can't these quant jocks just relax and enjoy a nice
meal in Byrne? Why the need to constantly brandish
their quant skills?"
A former NFL player, Eitzmann's blow-up could easily
have ended Singh's life. Fortunately for all
involved, fellow real jock Jeff Capone T'07 quickly
restrained his friend, and Singh walked away from the
encounter with only a bruise. |
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