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To Prepare Students, Dean
Presents "Available First-Year Women" Curve |
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Hanover, NH: The Tuck Class of 2008 set the
record for the highest percentage of women ever to roam
the halls of Stell. While the women of the class
of 2008 were understandably annoyed at the unfavorable
swing of the all-important ratio, the men were jubilant.
That is, until the deans presented the famous "Available
First-Year Women" curve, in an effort to lower the
expectations of the incoming class.
Single women at Tuck disappear faster than free Nalgene
water bottles at a recruiting event. In order to
help set expectations, the situation
was laid out in no uncertain terms: "Get 'em while they're
hot, gentlemen, because soon you'll be rubbing your meat like a
Memphis ribs chef."
It's not one big party for the ladies either,
considering the supply of quality men in the first year
class. What are the chances of finding a mature
man who doesn't want to play pong until 4 am every
night?
Although the actual curve presented by the deans
could not be obtained by the Tuck Profit, our interns
were able to produce a close approximation. They
conducted detailed research based on statistical analysis using data from the last
10 years. The term "available" is defined as
follows: (a) not married (to someone within 100 miles),
(b) not in a serious relationship (with someone within
100 miles), (c) not hopelessly infatuated with a
professor. |
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