 Hanover,
NH: Pat Fox's second year at Tuck is getting off to
a slow start. Classes seem to last longer, homework is
harder to focus on, and nothing feels quite as enjoyable
as it did a year ago. Several sources close to Fox have
confirmed that he is, in fact, suffering from a case of
severe heartbreak. "When John left for Chicago, Pat took
it real hard; can you blame him?" said Tim Keeney, Fox’s
roommate since arriving in Hanover.
The Fox boys spent their New Hampshire childhoods as
constant companions; from a cappella singing lessons and
equestrian competitions to brilliant halftime
performances with the school marching band, they were
nearly inseparable. All that changed the day John
accepted a prestigious appointment to the U.S. Coast
Guard Academy, a world-famous institution known for its
rigorous physical fitness standards and grueling
curriculum of algebra and sailing; the bar was set
impossibly high for Pat if he wanted to follow his big
brother into college. Since that fateful day, the two
had been forced to live apart for much of their adult
lives. Says a childhood friend of both, “Pat tried, he
really did, but we’re talking about the Coast Guard
here! I mean, Pat just wasn’t the athlete his brother
was…let’s face it, John was quite the physical
specimen.” Pat instead attended a small technical
institute in Colorado Springs with relaxed
academic and physical standards.
Last year, however, a blessing: the two brothers were
reunited at Tuck. Pat became an instant celebrity when
he arrived on campus, due partly to his brother's
status, but aided by his charming good looks and
sparkling personality. The two were again inseparable,
attending parties together, eating meals together, and
reportedly sleeping on bunk beds in John’s room. But
that extra bunk now sits empty; Pat is alone, left to
struggle with the loss all over again, with only cases
of beer and undergrad women to fill the void.
We at the Profit urge you, members of the Tuck
community, to show our friend some love. You’ll never be
his big brother, but you can be his friend. To help show
our support, The Profit is declaring Wednesday, October
4th “Hug Pat Day” in Hanover. We’re not asking for much,
folks, just a little something…anything: hugs,
handshakes, affectionate touching, even a firm pat on
the ass. Let’s make a difference for this poor, lonely
Tuckie! |
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