Dean Lubrano, Seen Here With A Sound Dampening Device

Hanover, NH: Steve Lubrano, Assistant Dean of the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth, had his inside voice confiscated yesterday after a giving a fiery speech in Cook Auditorium.  Lubrano’s inside voice was taken into custody under Tuck social code rule 4.02C, which states that "inside voices must be used at all times within Tuck and Dartmouth Facilities, and shall not disturb other members of the community."

Police arrived at 100 Tuck drive at 8:30 AM to investigate a “disturbance” called in by an unnamed Thayer School Professor. “I got into my office this morning and the concrete walls of my basement windowless office were literally shaking”, said the professor.  “I heard a man screaming at the top of his lungs saying something about Tuck, angst versus time, Fall B…I had no idea what any of it meant, but it was quite disturbing”.

According to Dartmouth Safety and Security Sergeant Martha Wallace, Lubrano was addressing a group of Tuck students when she arrived.  “I couldn’t’ believe the sheer volume of that man’s voice” said Wallace. “We stepped outside of Cook briefly to discuss the fact that he was disturbing others, and his whispers were deafening.” Wallace continued. “When he refused to quiet down I was forced to zip his mouth shut, lock it and throw away the key until further notice.

Lubrano’s inside voice was returned to him undamaged early this morning. When asked about the whole ordeal, Lubrano said “I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THOSE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT, I WAS USING MY INSIDE VOICE.”

“I DO THE SAME FRIGGIN SPEECH EVERY YEAR AND NO ONE SEEMED TO MIND BEFORE. DON’T THEY REALIZE WHO I AM?”

As a precautionary measure, Dean Lubrano has decided to deliver all of his future speeches from inside of a soundproof Plexiglas booth, which will be installed in Cook Auditorium next week.