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Hanover, NH: In
another embarrassing episode for the CDO, the Tuck
Profit was accidentally CC’d a copy of the main tool
that on-campus recruiters will be using to assess summer
internship candidates this year: Bingo cards.
To help aspiring bankers, consultants and general
managers land the internship of their dreams, this
website has decided to publish these game cards, as well
as advice on how to "play the game" (so to speak).
The rules for the game are simple - say any five
consecutive phrases on the card during the course of the
interview, and the job offer is yours.
"The real key to success," stated a CDO insider on
condition of anonymity, "is to utter as many industry
clichés as possible in the limited time available."
The staffer added, "Fortunately for the students, Q&A
time at the end of the interview counts." So if
you were unable to tout how you "achieved synergies" in
a prior job, you can still play to win with questions
like, "At the end of the day, while [bank name] may be
ramping up and getting traction in the LBO space,
shouldn't you move past the low-hanging fruit and start
the heavy lifting, blocking and tackling, and take it
off line to push past the finish line, since it is what
it is?"
Though such sentences are totally inane, analysis shows
that applicants increase their success rate by an
average of 47% when using 5 or more insider platitudes
in a single sentence. Net-net, take the Tuck
Profit’s advice: forget Argenti, forget SLAM’s, and
forget STAR: just print out the appropriate Bingo card
and stick it in your new leather padfolio.
Rumor has it that if you hit every space on the card,
the firm will pay you a signing bonus in cash on the
spot.
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