"We're looking at IRR's in high 30's" -Errik Anderson

Hanover, NH: The Dartmouth Housing Office held a press conference this morning to announce it is “strongly considering” a buyout plan for Sachem Village valued at $1.2 billion in cash and stock. The Tuck Profit has learned that the bid was made through a shell company controlled by Errik Anderson T07.

When reached for comment, Anderson was quick to point out the obvious synergies that exist between Sachem Village and the other components of his Hanover portfolio. “First of all, let’s just agree to call it Starbucks City – it just sounds better. Second, I’ve convinced the county to connect Starbucks City with Tuck Circle, The Bagel Basement and Carpenter & Main via a high-speed monorail system. We’re looking at IRRs in the high 30s.”

Adjunct Associate Professor Fred Wainwright of the Center for Private Equity and Entrepreneurship lauded the proposed transaction as “a hallmark of sensible valuation and further proof of Tuck students’ unrivalled presence in the LBO space.” Prof. Sydney Finkelstein, author of “Why Smart Executives Fail”, was less enthusiastic, calling it “purely an ego buy, and dead-certain to destroy shareholder value for the acquiring company.”

Errik Anderson T'07

While details of the bid remain unclear, it is rumored that the $1.2 billion will consist of $1 million in cash, $500k in assumed debt, with the rest coming from a complex share-swap involving Whaleback Ski Hill. As part of the agreement, Anderson is thought to be proposing a number of improvements upon what until recently was a collection of re-purposed army barracks from the 1950s.

In addition to the new fuel-efficient monorail project, plans are in place to convert Sachem Field into a 20,000 seat ultimate frisbee stadium, complete with retractable dome. Other site improvements will include an on-premise Montessori pre-school and state-of-the-art puppy playground.

Reaction among Anderson’s classmates was mixed. Adam Marcus and Chris Herbert, co-founders of the Coalition to Suppress Alternatives to Condo-Ownership, said they were still reviewing the plan to determine its effects on the price of condos during ASW. Fellow T07 real estate magnate Dale Burnett is rumored to be teaming up with Blackstone and Donna Lancaster of the Housing Office to investigate a management-led buyout.

Aaron Burgamy, without being asked, let the Tuck Profit know that he “took a good hard look at Sachem back in early 2001 but decided my money would be better off in telecom.”

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