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Dear Advisors:
I’ve always been painfully shy, and try as I might I just can’t bring
myself to raise my hand in class or speak up when I have a difference of
opinion in my study group. How can I become more outgoing and confident
so that I may better develop my leadership skills and contribute to the
collaborative learning environment at Tuck?
BW:
Get your thumb out of your ass! Seriously, you are pathetic. I can’t
believe such a giant pansy slipped through the Admissions Committee.
Would Sun Tzu ever write a letter like that? Go buy a copy of The 48
Laws of Power, and at about Law 17, when you realize you’re going to
get eaten alive in the real world, just do us all a favor and bounce.
Bonus points if you leave behind a meaningfully marked-up copy of The
Prince.
Dear
Advisors:
I’m having some problems with my love life. The dating pool at Tuck is
just so small, you know?
MS:
That reminds me of a time I was called in to advice the Joint Chiefs of
Staff in Washington on international monetary policy. It was just after
the devastating attacks of September 11th, and the resulting
currency crisis in Zimbabwe was causing ripple effects throughout
sub-Saharan Africa. Man, it’s a good thing they knew to give me a call.
Also, a good black turtleneck doesn’t hurt.
Dear
Advisors:
I just accepted an internship offer at J.P. Morgan. Everyone is
congratulating me, but secretly, I’m scared shitless. Do I really want
to be an investment banker? What am I doing with my life?
SL:
When I’m faced with life-direction questions, I have a talk with my
inner child. I find that little 7 year-old Stevie in my heart, buy him a
teddy bear, and offer it to him as I kneel down to his level so that we
can speak eye to eye. Usually he says something like, “but I wanted to
be a fireman.” And I say, “I know, Stevie. I know”.
Dear
Advisors:
My
commitments on the social/judicial/club/international student/ethnic
committees along with my interview schedule and my new girlfriend are
limiting the time I have for school work. I am aflutter with panic.
SL:
If you don't get at least one LP, you’re not doing it right. On the
other hand, maybe the problem is that you’re wasting a lot of time
sitting down and getting back up between all these activities. Try
eliminating chairs from your life. |
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