“It Was Us, Bitches”

Hard-Core Whit Party Crew Claims Responsibility LoungeGate 2008

Cohen Great Hall, Hanover:  A loosely-affiliated group of grizzled Whit gang members took credit for recently trashing the Buchanan lounge, and in the process setting off a series of school-wide emails that reminded Tuck students that they have a J-board.

“Yeah, we did it.  What’s it to you, bitch?,” growled Myra Park T’09.  “Those prissy drama queens in Buchanan can’t handle it when a real party lands on their weak-ass lounge – and don’t even get me started on the custodial crew.  Man-up!”

“Yeah, I know that Danny Rodriguez thinks that ‘wildin out’ and ‘gettin’ crunk’ can be summed up by his video of dancing on the Buch tables during orientation.  And on a slow Tuesday night when I’ve just gotten back from a Montreal-Tijuana-Bangkok ‘recruiting’ trip, I guess the Lounge scene is a nice place to mellow out and come down,” explained Dan ‘Dirty’ Donahue. “But look, son, every once in awhile a real G needs to show you how it’s done, and that’s what happened.”

Fellow Whit baller ‘Macker’ Doughtrey shrugged off the incident.  “Of course we wrecked it.  You think we’re dumb enough to shit in our own house?  Plus, that Ludwig is clearly getting too big for his britches.  There’s only room for one alpha dog at Tuck, and I think we all know who that is.”

One unnamed gang member added that the damage reported to the community via email was actually a pale shadow of the havoc left that fateful morning.  “You think it was beer that we were cleaning up with those couch pillows?  Please.  With all those lounge groupies who always hang there, playas call that room the ‘wet spot; for a reason, you know.”

“Plus, now everyone thinks that a bunch of second-years did it,” chimed in Park.  “I’m tired of schooling that vag Hanbury at pong, and now he knows who the real BSD is round here.”