Tuck Winter Carnival: Nerds Unite

Hanover:  Tuck Winter Carnival: a weekend devoted to competitive drinking and skiing that Tuck dominates pretty much every year. This is unsurprising because Tuck students are effectively drunks who ski (sometimes when drunk). Competitive advantage bitches...

Apparently rival schools, bitter from countless TWC defeats, have finally cottoned on to this, and have launched rival Winter Carnivals... Ones which they can be sure of winning! Or can they? Never one to shy from a challenge, Tuck plans on sending carefully selected representatives to each pale TWC imitation.

HBS Winter Carnival Representatives: Mark Perez & Viswa Reddy. Perez is surely a shoe-in for the Immediate Dislikeability competition, having offended most of Tuck with his own brand of 'charm'. Perez probably won't stand a chance in the Breathtaking Arrogance contest, where Tuck's admittedly outside bet is Viswa Reddy. Aside from these events, HBS will surely be unbeatable in the Team Ruthlessness / Backstabbing competition and of course in the Producing About A Million Interminably Dull Cases Making Everyone Hate Them Even More Than They Already Do Which Is A Lot competition.

Chicago Winter Carnival Representatives: Adam Bulakowski & Justin White. Quant Jocks Bulakowski and J Wild look like a good bet for the Team Stochastic Calculus event, rumor being that they have started communicating in binary to remove all extraneous semantic impurity from the Math. Adam was less than sanguine over the team's chances in the Repulsing Women event, telling the Profit, '11110010100111111000001' before wandering off to play with his dolls.

UPenn Wharton Winter Carnival Representative: Kristen Wermuth. Finance-heavy-hitters Wharton are about to be completely out-financed by Tuck's money dynamo. Bubbly Kristen rarely refers to her glittering pre-Tuck hedge fund career in order to somehow lend weight to what she says in class, but rumor has it that she was the brains behind Black-Scholes, masterminded the LBO of RJR Nabisco, and invented money. Look for Wharton to offer Kristen tenure, the Deanship and worship her as a demi-god.

Duke Fuqua Winter Carnival Representatives: The DecSci cheats. Our guys will have to be on top of their game to beat the undisputed MBA kings of Completely Inept Cheating, but the team's shared-but-completely-wrong spreadsheet strategy may have a slim chance. Put your money on team Fuqua to completely balls up their effort, thereby winning the event.