Fake Myography Honor Code Scandal Rocks Tuck

Hanover, NH – The Tuck School of Business was shaken to its one-hundred-and-eight-year-old core on Tuesday when allegations surfaced that several falsified Myographies may have been submitted by T’08’s for course credit. Sources speculate that a widespread epidemic of “senioritis” and general malaise may have contributed to the rash of “half-assed” and “completely fabricated” term papers turned in to Dr. Ella Bell last week for her ragingly popular Leadership Out of the Box elective.

According to LOOTB’s syllabus, a Myography is “a self-reflective paper about [one’s] life”. In 12 short, double-spaced, Times New Roman-fonted pages, the Myography strives to answer the burning question at the forefront of every Republican-voting, investment-banking, capital markets-loving future MBA’s mind: who am I?

Unfortunately, the world may never know. All told, sixty eight members of Tuck’s Class of 2008 are under investigation in what is shaping up to be the largest honor code scandal in program history. When asked by the Profit about the long-term implications of these allegations, MBA Program Director Sally Jeager complained, “Now we have to come up with a way to fill a full hour in the middle of commencement proceedings. We’ve had to resort to booking The Samples”.

Dr. Bell states that she first became suspicious that many of the now infamous Myographies contained dirty lies after stumbling upon three papers in a row that contained suspiciously similar pre-school anecdotes. “It seemed a little fishy that Alan Hsu, Liz Lamothe, and Dave Hill were all beaten by nuns named ‘Sister Mercy Claire’ at the age of four,” steams Bell. “And I’m sorry, but there is just no way that Christina Hale ‘came up slingin’ rock in the ghettos of Kingston’”.

Spurred by her infallible intuition, Dr. Bell teamed with Tuck Director of Admissions Dawna Clarke to discover even more egregious fabrications. “When we compared the Myographies to our admissions files, we discovered several troubling inconsistencies”, reports Clarke. “For instance, military records show Bryan O’Neal commanding a submarine during 10 of the 18 weeks he claims to have spent as the Mayor of Funkytown. And I doubt the New York City Ballet would have employed Frances Brooks the same year that she claims to have been a 600-pound shut-in who was rescued by a bulldozer and a Jerry Springer camera crew.”

“The list just goes on and on”, claims Patricia Hunt, Academic Coordinator for LOOTB. “Jen Schiele couldn’t have been a member of  Compton-based Mexican street gang Los Locos. She wouldn’t have had time to remove the distinctive facial tattoos.  And while I would have believed it form Charlie Schilling, there is just no way that Mike Wilson was ever a woman.”

Dr. Bell says she hopes the Profit will convey her extreme disappointment.  “I could have bought that the Garavaglia’s are brother and sister and were forced by their evil uncle/stepfather into marriage at the tender age of twelve – I mean, they are from Oklahoma. But Alex Doria, a Brazilian cattle rancher? Dude, that is some straight up bullshit.”