The Tuck Profit

		Tragedy at Winter Carnival
	While most reports from this years Winter Carnival have been positive, The Profit's intrepid team of reporters have discovered this tragedy, which until now has been covered up by a conspiracy whose participants include members of the highest echelons of Tuck society.
Winter Carnival is billed as “one of the country's premiere MBA events” and 2008 promised to be no different - that is until suicide rocked the Tuck community to the core.
			On Friday, February 22, 2009, just as the Winter Carnival attendees were arriving on campus, This guy’s (T’O8) partner, Winnie the Pooh (D’11), was found hanging from the rafters in the Buchanan lounge. Apparently the pair had a lovers’ quarrel late Friday after Byron refused to take Winnie to Tuck ‘Tails for fear of the Pooh’s inability to refuse the shot-ski.
			Byron and Winnie had a brief, but intense, relationship that began at the Tuck 2008 Pong tournament when the pair was found entangled in a hot and heavy lover’s embrace. Trevor Martin, T’O8, commented on the tragic ending. “At first I didn’t know what that chick saw in Byron…I still really don’t.”
			While The un-named Tuckie appeared to keep it together for Saturday night’s Kneissel Cup, he was seen later that night lying in a pool of spilled pong beer and urine whimpering about the Pooh that got away..
			In light of the incident, the MBA Program Office has asked all students to vigilant watch this guy for signs of further depression and out-of-the-ordinary behavior, such as studying, moderate drinking and humility.