T’08 Dennis Lasko recently swapped soapboxes and crossed over to the Tuck Times to lash out against his arch nemesis: pong.  In the article, Lasko made allegations that pong reflected poorly on Tuck and should be outlawed.  While initial reactions from the student body included speculation that, based on the strengths of his convictions, Lasko’s childhood puppy must have been killed by a pong table, a tide of agreement has swept the school.

Peter Hanbury, T’08, “It really does seem pretty juvenile…a bunch of almost-30 year olds hitting a ping pong ball into cups of fourth-rate beer?  Pathetic.”  Said fellow anti-pong activist, Mark Perez, “I am just grateful that somebody had the balls to come out and say what we’ve all been thinking for years.  Less pong, more fireside chats!”

However, the support has not been universal.  Several pong enthusiasts continue to rage on, perfecting their slam saves and spin serves.  “If you think for one second that I am not going to take down Catie Griggs in the pong tourney, you’re tripping.  I’ve already ordered 25 pong tables for my wedding reception,” said Frances Brooks, T’08.  Brooks and a small minority of like-minded students continue to have the backing of administration, much to the chagrin of Buch lobby frequenters.  Said Sally Jaegar, “You kids can keep throwing your paddles out and cleaning the lounge every night, but I wont rest until I see the 1-2-3-1 shrub formation on every table in every study room at Tuck.  Wait til you see the new pong emporium in the Living and Learning Center next year!”

When asked if he would continue fighting the good fight from the real world Lasko opined, “I don’t even remember saying that shit.”