|
Hanover, NH – A sudden surge in the “fishiness” of
Hanover’s water supply has town residents and Dartmouth students
wondering if the water is safe for consumption.
“Dude, that shit is nasty”, says Denitresse Burns,
T’09. “I’m just minding my business trying to cook myself some dinner
and like, how am I supposed to make pasta with that shit?! Boiling it
does NOTHING.”
“I turned on my shower one morning last week and
almost wretched”, claims Ashley Martin, T’08. “It was like, you know, if
I wanted to smell this way, I wouldn’t have left the 3rd
floor of Whit”.
Hanover City officials claim the taste and smell of
the water is nothing to worry about. “A bunch of fish died in the county
water tank”, said a Hanover city official who spoke on a condition of
anonymity. “It’s perfectly safe to swallow, really – just like any other
dead fish you eat on any given day. And if showering in it really
bothers you, just imagine that you’re on spring break, bathing in the
ocean.”
While city officials assert that the fish have been
removed from the water supply, they concede that the taste and smell of
Hanover’s drinking water will not return to normal for three months,
when the flushing process is complete.
Until then, local businesses must continue to rely
on the creativity of their management staffs to ride out the problem.
“Now, when someone asks for a glass of water, I have to pour them a
glass of Grey Goose”, Canoe Club’s famed Bartender Daniel tells the
Profit. “But you know, now that I think about it, I haven’t really
gotten any complaints yet.”
In the meantime, students have no choice but to buy
bottled drinking water and resign themselves to smelly showers. “I don’t
mind it so much”, reasons Jake Dixon, T’09. “It’s kind of just like
being home in Seattle again”.
|
RSS Feed
