Hanover:  A record number of emails regarding lost items have become the subject of an intense study by The Center for Useless Studies at Tuck. In a classic misuse of power, Profit editor Dennis Lasko launched the entire staff of Investigative Reporters to comb through the results, but was not able to find any respondents who reported losing lip balm in his cowboy boot. When asked to comment on the results of the study, T’08 Scott Orleck could no longer form sentences, and just twitched with rage.