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Tuck Profit Under New Management; Mayhem Ensues

 
Lasko was elusive when questioned about his new role
Hanover, NH: Tuck Profit founder Chris Herbert announced in a secret press conference on Thursday that Dennis Lasko, T’08 and all-around great guy, will be the new managing editor of the revered publication. The press conference was only attended by Dennis Lasko. It was really secret.

 The Profit’s staff of investigative journalists has not been able to find ousted editor, Alex Mulley T’08, or any evidence of his work at the publication. Mulley was last seen somewhere in Norwich walking a Siamese cat on a leash.

 Spurred by rumors of Lasko’s ties to the Russian Mafia, police questioned the new editor with regards to the disappearance. He only had this to say; “I don’t know what you are talking about. Sometimes people get new jobs. Sometimes people get whacked. I am not saying that’s what happened here, I am just saying… these things happen.” 

 When asked about the change in leadership, an anonymous T’08 said “This is the most proactive thing Lasko has done while at Tuck. Frankly, we are all stunned it only took him four months.”

 The new team is planning an issue for release in mid-February but for now hopes you will enjoy these Breaking News items.